OUTLINE: HEALTHY CONFLICTS IN MARRIAGE

HEALTHY CONFLICTS IN MARRIAGE

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. (1 Peter 3:8 NIV)

INTRODUCTION: How many of us have had disagreements in our married life? It’s normal, we are all different in our way of thinking, but the bad thing is letting those problems get infected and become a monster.

STEPS TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS.

Place your eyes on your spouse. Learn to lend your eyes when you have a problem. How many of us have been tempted to abandon an argument when we still haven’t finished solving it? Avoid temptation and set your eyes on your partner.

Avoid destructive things. When we are in an argument, let’s not add more fuel to the fire, on the contrary, let’s be more compassionate and patient.

• Avoid bringing up things from the past. Don’t bring up something from a decade ago.
• Avoid getting off topic. Once angry we tend to address other problems. Avoid it!
• Avoid physical abuse at all costs. There is no justification for physical abuse in marriage. Enough of our wild cultures from which we came, where we thought that things were fixed with our hands. God made us intelligent to fix things with love, with humility, and with words.

Control your tongue (Read James 3:2-9 NIV).

 When you argue heatedly, control your tongue, do not abuse verbally. When there is verbal aggression, a line is crossed in which respect is lost. There is no need to shout, yes, the tone can change, but you should not shout or attack with bad words.

• Make a pact with your spouse to never cross those lines again.
• Ask for forgiveness with humility if you have offended with your words.

Stretch out your arms. When

 INyou have arguments with your partner or even with your children, finish settling them. You can take a break for a few minutes, but you should never leave it unfinished. Make sure you finish and resolve the matter. At the end, stretch out your arms. That helps, because when there has been a lot of anger we are damaged and apprehensive and physical touch provokes something, brings healing. That will open the door to the solution. Hug your spouse or your children. “And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”(Ephesians 4:26-27 TLA)

Praise God for the victory. Take problems as an opportunity to get closer and communicate with people, in this case with your partner or your children.

TIPS THAT WILL HELP YOU SOLVE CONFLICTS IN A HEALTHY WAY:

• Learn to keep calm. If you lose your calm you are not going to solve anything. What is the first thing the authorities recommend when there is a fire? Let them stay calm. One of the two in a marriage needs to learn to remain level-headed.
• Learn to attack the problem, not the person. You have to learn to say: “I am going to attack the problem, not my spouse.” If the problem is money, attack the money, not the spouse.
• Learn to listen. How many of us feel understood when they listen to us? How many of us have been hurt when they have sent us flying without first listening to us? With just five minutes of listening to your wife, the level of anger will go down.
• Learn to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes, all a couple needs is to hear sincere forgiveness and that’s the end of the problem.
• Learn to be kind and not harsh. (Proverbs 15:1 NLT) Which of the two are the ones you use the most at home? Harsh words or gentle ones? Sometimes we are gentle with others, but not at home with our spouse and children.

CONCLUSION: Every time we solve a problem as a couple, it brings us closer together. We cannot throw marriage overboard because of a dislike. Resolving conflicts is not easy, and doing so quickly, biblically, with respect, dignity and grace, could be difficult; But, it is possible with God and the results are much more beneficial. Ask God to help you and if you have not let him into your life, pray the following prayer:

SINNERS PRAYER: Lord Jesus, I recognize that I have sinned and that you died for me. Today I repent and ask for forgiveness. I give you my life and my heart so that you may be my personal Lord and Savior, amen.

INTERACTIVE QUESTIONS:

1. How can you prevent problems in your marriage from becoming something bigger?
2. Why do you think it is important to stay calm during an argument?
3. What does it mean to attack the problem and not the person in the middle of a conflict?
4. How can we practice forgiveness in our family relationships?
5. What differences do you notice between being kind and harsh in your words during an argument?

 PRACTICAL APPLICATION:

• Pray in the GC that in the future all members will look for ways to resolve conflicts in the way we have learned today and abandon the traditional way, that of shouting and aggression. Remember this question: How would Jesus solve this problem? And solve it the same way.
• Ask for forgiveness from the person you have hurt and make a pact with your loved ones not to cross the lines of respect when resolving conflicts.